The Birth of Lina

The day my princess was born...

published, 6th of August 2012

Lina´s very first birthday is not far and to have a special gift for my little princess I decided that this was the right time to write her lovely story down. This girl of mine was such a precious, unexpected gift...

When I wrote my boy´s story down he was more than two years old. First I didn´t know if  the whole experience would come to my mind at once and if I would be able to attach this wonder with appropriate words. But during the writing it turned out very easy. I still love to browse through his story, look at our pictures and indulge myself into the emotions. 

Lina is now nearly one... and I have every little detail in my mind, I remember every sensation, every emotion. I´m ready for this story of love!

The 13th of January 2011 was a very normal day... up to the moment I had a routine check at my doctor´s.

Already expecting... but not knowing

The last few weeks I definitely felt more tired and had to fight a slight nausea. I didn´t really think about these as signs for a pregnancy but assumed it had to do with my extreme lack of sleep. Due to the fact I have had to do lots of nightshifts as a midwife I knew a connection between fatigue and nausea. So I had no idea I could be expecting!

Before the examination I had a talk with my gynocologist. She asked me how I felt, about my situation as a mama, about the nursing and so on. I told her about the symptoms and she asked me at once if it could be possible to be pregnant again. I said no.

The moment I sat on the gyno chair and the doctor showed me my little baby for the very first time I was lucky to be already seated! She told me:"Take a look! You are pregnant... maybe 8 or 9 weeks!" The little one was already fidgeting around... not just a teeny tiny point you need phantasy to think about a developing body... no... this was already my waving baby! I was in awe... and already... in love.

The thoughts running through my brain during these seconds went head over heels and ranged from important to silly. How was it possible to get pregnant that easy? How will I tell my hubby? How will Max react? What will the family say? How will I tell my employer? How about going on with nursing? What´s the due date? Will I have another boy or a daughter? What are my favorite names? Some crazy stuff like this....

But... minutes after being shocked and speechless about these unexpected news I was... just the happiest expecting mama on earth!

For a long time I was sad that my first pregnancy went over that fast. On the one hand I was so very excited to meet Max but on the other hand I loved the feeling to have a baby bump!

So I was one lucky mama to have this best feeling again!

After I have walked out the doctor´s office I called Martin at once... told that we were getting another little darling. He was completely flashed... not prepared for these news... like I was! His reaction was too funny. Something like: "Are you sure?" Then he started to smile and laugh and I was happy that he was happy! I know... it would have been much more romantic to wait and tell him at home but I could not wait another second without sharing it with someone I love.

The pregnancy was so wonderful... without any problems or complaints. I could enjoy every day... even the last hot summer days were not difficult at all. Because I really felt great... after exact 12 weeks of nausea and extreme fatigue. We did lots of family trips and enjoyed the last time together as three. We tried to prepare Max as good as possible for the new situation... told him about the baby in mama´s bump and the time when it will be with us and playing with him. I think he was pleased!?

When 20 weeks pregnant we found out to get a little babygirl... these news were so awesome! Although I would have been as happy about another cute babyboy I was totally happy and teary to get a little lady as a supplement. I thought about these mama-daughter things, the girly stuff and how great is was that my daughter is going to have a big brother like Max. It could not have been more perfect!

In mid July we decided to make a professional photoshooting of the huge baby bump like we did when expecting little Max.
I love pictures of pregnant bellies and so it was clear to do it and to keep ours as a treasure forever.
As scenery we went to a haven near our home, an adorable garden with a little chapel, a pond with fish and turtles and tons of green and flowers. I so love to be there... I´m sure it´s one of the most beautiful spots in our town.

When I look at these pictures a year after we had taken them I just cannot believe that my princess is snuggled in this bump. There´s nothing but love gushing in my heart!

Two weeks before our due date I had this well-known appointment at the hospital. We had to check in for indicating data and a control ctg. I was pretty nervous because my pregnancy with Max ended unexpected two days after this appointment.

This time again I only wished to have a natural birth. Due to the fact that the first one was not natural at all I had no trust to do a homebirth. In retrospect it would have been the right decision but like it is with births... you never no how they are going to end. So I rejected the thoughts of giving birth at home.

Fortunately the ctg was good... not perfect but good enough to be allowed to leave the hospital. Now I had to come to another control one week later and then on the due date, the 25th of august 2011.

My midwife was on duty this day and she did an examintion because I told her to have contractions for nearly a week now. Not very slight ones, but too short! I got some homeopathy as well and we left.

In the evening I took these globules and a special vegetable suppository. There was kind of intuition and a feeling that something could go on this night. I was calms that omi was at home to come over to little Max in case we had to drive to the delivery room. I took an extensive shower and did extensive body care before going to bed. Martin fell asleep soon but I was just waiting and paying attention to my inner sense.

About 10 o´clock I had the strange feeling that the slight cramps turned straight into contractions. They were still easy to breathe away but due to the fact that the cervix was already 3cm dilated I simply didn´t know how long I should wait and see.

I waked up my love because I thought it would be nasty to wait until he was in deep sleep... and you must take into account that hubby would have to take me to hospital by car ;-)

... and of course I know him for an incredible long time now to know how his responsiveness is just after waking up... too bad!

Within half an hour the contractions got intense. I could be sure now that meeting my babygirl was ahead! Martin called omi to come over to sleeping Max and he also called our midwife to tell her we would arrive at the hospital presently.

I´m sure... if I would have waited a bit longer I would not have been able to get into that car any more and to stand the ride. The journey was so unutterably difficult to sustain... I felt like midst a Hollywood movie... legs on the dashboard, hand on the window, breathing deeply and soundly, calling "Please stop!"... "Nooo... don´t stop... go on!"... stuff like this! It was beyond good and evil! But.. I had to laugh as well because I noticed how whimsical this situation was and I thought everybody to whom we passed could take a look into this crazy vehicle and would shake his head and wonder.

Arrived at the hospital M had to check out a parking space... unfortunately it was a bit far and so I had to walk. THIS was a long, long walk. I stopped nearly every minute and thought I would never ever reach the delivery room. I think M was suddenly quite nervous, ha!

It was quarter past midnight when we got in and everybody was already expecting us. Exhausted by the ride and glad to meet my midwife collegues I was checked shortly after and was told to be 6cm. I was a bit disappointed that I wasn´t farther along. M was putting our stuff away, preparing the camera and turning on my music.

I was standing beside the bed, weak in the knees. First I had the feeling to be able to cope the pain quite well. Then I was standing in the straddle bent over... but only a few contractions later I felt a change. I was definitely in very active labor now. I didn´t expect the transition that fast. The urge to push came and even my midwife said, "Hey... what are you doing?" She was astonished. (Yes, me too!)

I crawled onto the bed and another examintion clarified our suspicion... Miss L. was coming shortly! 

I was semi-sitting and tried to concentrate but no way. There were some contractions which took my breath away. I had my eyes closed and always thought "no... please... no more pain... not again!" But suddenly I became aware that I had to pull myself together... definitely and now! I knew that a bad attitude would make everything worst and that I would cope best with my labor pain when I let myself in, concentrate and have good associations.

I did it... relaxed my face and body, closed my eyes and was intensively listening to the music... and was thrilled to meet my daughter very soon! What can I say... it worked wonders!

The labor turned out most powerful now but I had no problems to get through. I clutched Martin´s hand tight to my face when having a contraction and he gave me a sip of water during every contractions break. Like this we reached the goal!

Anyway I had the feeling that the whole birthing experience was a short one. Time was flying by. Like mentioned we arrived in the hospital quarter past midnight and the urge to push came already about one. I was rather surprised to be so close to the actual birth yet.

My midwife assured me that I could do it now... I could start to push... and I did. And totally different to the birth of Max I felt a big relief of pain while pushing my sweet baby out. I strained and had the feeling of success with every single contraction. This was so awesome because I did not have this with Max. With him I tried and tried but nothing worked. So the first birth ended up with a vacuum extraction.

I never had the urge to scream... I was moaning through the contractions but I was calm and concentrated the whole time. I could say... I enjoyed giving birth. Of course it was painful as well but without difficulty to handle.

My midwife told me to try both lateral positions for some contraction but I could not move. The pain was incredibly but good to take in case of staying on the left side, semi-sitting and the right leg placed upright during the break and holding the hollow of the knee during pushing. She told me that there was a little rest of a lip of the cervix and she would attempt to hold it back during a push to dilate me to 10cm. It was a short pain but very quickly over. And then she told me, "Okay, you can push now... with all your power!"

I was still cowed by my first birth because the pain I felt the last minutes will stay in my mind forever! Definitely... this is nothing you forget...  like everybody says!

I pushed and pushed for maybe 20 minutes and it was exhausting but great as well. I felt her on her way out. I felt her head coming down. I felt her head crowning. I felt the burning. I felt pressure. I felt delight. I felt my tears coming up. I felt the pride of doing this my way... no surgical termination of birth.

And then her head was out... the joy I felt was immense. I looked down and saw her beautiful face, her closed eyes and her cute pout... waiting to be born completely. To have this moment without drugs and a clear mind, with pain good to bear is a moment you can not attach with suitable words. There was just her head but I was that happy already aware of her arrival within seconds.

I was holding hubby´s hand offered by him as support the very whole time... and within mere moments there was a sudden and complete relief of pressure and pain... and our daughter slipped out... and then there were four of us.

Lina was born on the 26th of August 2011, 1.26

Her first breath took ours away!

She was resting on my left thigh, recovering from this quick birth and waiting for daddy to cut the umbilical cord. 

Happiness filled the room and the greatest joy and pride filled my heart. There is nothing compareable like these first moments when you meet your baby the first time. At once I knew I would give everything, I would give my life for this little person.

Then my babygirl was handed to my chest, she was warm and (not so) tiny, odorous and the most beautiful doll in the world! I felt enamored... reliefed... completed... ecstatic! I could not believe to have another baby now. Always told M "We have a daughter now! We have a girl!" 

I loved her right from beginning.

She was giving a short wail and then became calm and peaceful snug to me. Her pH value was quite bad and the pediatician wanted to take her to the NICU after she had taken her for a short check to another room. Lina got some oxygen and a control if there was some fluid to be sucked out. 

Fortunately I knew the pediatician well and totally refused to give her my new baby. She was not happy about my decision but of course she could not take her away without my permission. I consented another blood control in an hour. 

I had the feeling and the knowledge that little Lina was whining because of the lightning birth... she only needed silence, warmth, mama´s heartbeat and nursing. The worst case would be putting her into a lonely NICU bed far away from mama... of course this next control was alright. 

Minutes after her birth I delivered the placenta and was stitched then. She stayed by my side for a while, latched on to nurse and was sucking heartly.

I was holding and kissing my new baby so proudly! Then my midwife took her for getting her features. 

Lina weighed 3504g and was 52cm small... just perfect!

We spent another hour in the delivery room. It´s a regulation to observe the bleeding postpartum. During this time I could get up, have a shower and my body care. I felt so awesome like I did not have given birth an hour ago. It was astonishing!

In the meantime daddy let the family and all our friend know that our angel had been born. It would have been so wonderful if Max could have come to meet his little sister at once. But we had to wait till morning. I could not wait to see his face when looking at her.
And I´m glad he fell in love with this little girl from the moment he met her. She touched his heart... I could see it in his eyes!

Lina´s birth was empowering and wonderful... I had the required experience of a natural birth. The only thing I feel sad about is the fact that I was not brave enough to let us into a homebirth because of the hard first birth experience. But this time I got the evidence... I could do it! And I did it!

My beautiful, perfect daughter, you are a joy to have and this is your birth story. I hope it gives you strength and happiness knowing that you always were and always will be loved!

I love you Lina